You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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