Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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