So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
