Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
