Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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