i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
