my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
