woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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