after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
