also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize