she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
