I got her a Nickelback box set.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
