guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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