This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
