You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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