fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
