it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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