guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize