I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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