Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
