Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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