She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
