Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize