just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
