Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
