I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
