Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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