How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
