Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
