if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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