Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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