sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
