I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
