My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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