I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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