She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You are the jesus of drinking
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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