Will you blow on my dice?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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