Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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