you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
