I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
