dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
