party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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