Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
