I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This house was built for laser tag.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
