yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
