I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
