I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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