hotel room ftw
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
