There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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