I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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