I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Drunk is not a location!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
