I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
