When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
