oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
