He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
