If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
