id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
