Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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