D3 body, D1 cock
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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