i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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