I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
