i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
