Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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