that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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