You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
