Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize