he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
