The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
