So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
