idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
