At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
