It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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