No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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