I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
