Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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