she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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