John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
