the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
