Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
