The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
