I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
