what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
