it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
