Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
