Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
