I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
